Archive for the ‘The Past is Weird’ Category


Whatever Happened to the Forest Pig?

February 19, 2009



SCOOP: SAW started as a character on CHEERS.

February 8, 2009

     It’s true! While no tape exists of the scenes that featured actor Tobin Bell visiting the Cheers bar, we recently managed to get our hands on a small piece of the script.

(In this scene, Norm and Cliff have been arguing. Feeling aggrieved, he moves around the bar, ending up sitting next to Saw).

SAW: It appears that your watch has stopped, may I?

CLIFF: Huh? Oh, sure, pal, be my guest. (He hands his watch to Saw, who fiddles with it for a moment and then hands it back).

SAW: There you go.

CLIFF: What the- that’s amazing! How’d you do that? You must be some sort of mechanical genius!

SAW: I would hope so. (Pause) I also build intricate machines that torture and dismember people, usually involving some sort of behavioral choice. It’s very challenging work.

CLIFF: Huh. (Long pause) Lotta money in something like that?

SAW: Not really. I do it out of love.

CLIFF: (Thinking) Would you be able to make a machine to handle a guy who weighs, say, 300 pounds? (He glares at Norm).

SAW: Yeah, sure, I could do that.

CLIFF: And maybe just torture him a little, you know? Maybe just tickle him with a feather. Where does, uh, this torturing take place?

SAW: In dank, fetid basements and tunnels. I own seventeen miles of basement in this town.

     This is all that survives… a scrap rescued from a fire. Apparently the show was considered “too upsetting” for the Cheers audience.


The Forest Pig

January 29, 2009